Fearless Free Girl

fearless free girl, make me feel again.
undo these chains that hold me captive and imprison my mind...
i'm caged in with all of my demons.
set this poor soul who's lived all it's days hiding inside bottles, and drunk in alleyways, free.
shine some light upon this darkness that surrounds me.
i've let my vices consume me. mercy me, for you are the paragon of virtue...
and i, i am just a prisoner of madness, and you're the first thing that i've managed to make sense of in a while.
fearless free girl,... i just want to feel again.

Beautifully Broken

The broken, the beautifully broken.

You are so beautifully broken.... 

You've taught me that there has to be such caution, precision, and tactic when handling a broken soul; In order not to break oneself, in the process of repairing someone else's damage. 

"Repairing the damage", I say ...

As if someone could really repair a damaged being....

I thought I could;
Because I saw the beauty in your wounds....I felt the pain in your eyes.... and I let that mask all of your unjustifiable actions...

Like "he's okay, he's just a little broken.. he doesn't really mean that.. he's just angry, mad, hurt.." 

In order for wounds to heal one must want help... one must seek aid of some kind...one must nurse them..allow time to run it's course... allow open wounds to scab over, generate new tissue, close....

You never seeked help... You never nursed your wounds... You never allowed me to aid.

It's almost as if, you became accustomed to the pain.....

Being broken facilitated tearing apart anything you got a hold of... and you... you came so close to breaking me. 

You blame others for the pain you inflict on yourself....

You inflict so much pain onto others.... 

As if, that would rid you of all the hurt you've had to bare throughout the years...

As if, for every tear shed for you, you could recuperate one.... 

 

Experiences molded you into a monster. 

A beautifully broken monster.

And that's what experiences do.... 

They either sharpen or soften our edges. 

 

I fell in love with you, you beautifully broken monster .... 

But I wasn't willing to break in the process of repairing damage that I hadn't done.  

 

I could never heal you...

I could never take away your pain... 
because that's the only thing you have left, besides your solitude.... and you fell in love with it's presence in your life, and the way it facilitated and made all of your foul actions justifiable... 

 

Timeless Free-Flow

glancing at these empty shot glasses on the counter.. i find myself sitting between familiar faces with unknown intentions. we share laughters.... mostly because our blood-alcohol level allows us to tolerate each other. ambience is nice in this place... lighting is pleasantly dim, but that's dangerous because i can't really tell if the guy across the room who i've been having eye sex with for the last half hour is actually handsome, or not. i catch myself glancing down at the black screen on my phone and hitting the home button to check the time (as if i had somewhere else to be), and i'm left wishing you were still an option... as of late, i find myself killing time, filling empty and nonrefillable voids, just to rid myself of a time where you were all that i knew, all that i needed, and all that i wanted.. right now, i don't know a damn thing.... especially not what the hell i actually want, and the only thing that i need is to rid myself of you. expel you from my memory..... grow new skin cells that have never been touched by you.... i probably need a god damn new heart, too... sitting here, i realize that i have to stop making homes out of people.... because i tend to have to move out quite too often.. and things are always lost or broken in the process of moving... i've lost far too many pieces of me...
who have i become? im not the person you once knew... you're sure as hell not the person i once knew.. say we both make it out of this world in one piece .... would you spend that eternity with me.....? in that dimension, give me three minutes for every minute you stold from me.. give me three minutes for every minute you promised, but never shared with me... give me all of your time then and make up for the lack of minutes and hours you promised, but failed to bless me with your presence in this lifetime... if not, when they lay us in a tomb, feets beneath the ground, rot with me. it's the least you can do for not giving me all of your life .... it's the least you can do for not giving me any of your time. i need to gather my stuff and recollect my thoughts.. it's time to move out again.

Sanity

I love the depth of your eyes... the way they look at who I was, see all of what I am, and envision who I'm yet to be.

I love your hands and the way you maneuver them up my thigh as if you were reaching for the stars in another galaxy, somewhere in outer space.

I love the tone of your voice when you speak of what you love, your dreams, and aspirations.

I love the way your words penetrate my bones and the way your fingers caress the sharpest edges of my soul.... so effortlessly... so fearlessly.

I love the way you read me... As if my body language was your native tongue and communication was your forte....

In a world where people are often so misunderstood... to make sense without the need for explanation, is the greatest comfort....

You comfort me....

You ease this unsteady soul by just letting it be.

I'm driven by insanity...

But insanely, you are sanity.