This is what the inside of my head looks like...
these pages are empty.
my heart is heavy.
my tongue is twisted.
and gravity has failed me.
i'm all over the place mentally,
you're all over my mental.
is this what you wanted?
is this what you hoped for?
cause i'm still here....
in the gray room, alone with my polychromatic thoughts of you.
imprisoned.
There's a chamber in my heart dedicated to the lost and found and I keep hoping one day you'll come wandering in, again.... I know extraordinary things seldom happen to ordinary people-even less, twice in one life time. Yet, I believe that with disregard to our ordinariness, the magnitude of "us" will allow us to find each other at a point beyond our oblivion; and that then and there we could neglect the illusion of time, that always happens to contemplate against us, and we could seize the moment and make it right....
I keep trying to defy the laws of motion to prevent time from running it's course and depriving us of all "our" potential... because there's a chamber in my heart dedicated to you- And it's always up for the taking, waiting for you to come wandering in, again- Only that this time, you'd come on a one-way ticket and be ready to call it home.
you've been so quiet,
my brains been so loud.
i'm running low,
you've been up so high.
ive been mixing substances in search of substance.
but, they don't come close... no one comes close.
and you, you're so far away.
how do i compensate?
how do i restore the balance?
damn, i see your iMessage email alert appear on my screen.
and i flee to the bathroom.
how much longer will you be?
stop pretending you know what it's like.
stop insisting that you're no good for me.
as if you knew what is right for me.
you call.
i tell you to do right by me.
you're the only one for me.
fuck.
is this how it's going to be?
in search of one another in others for eternity.
they ain't me.
stop giving these bitches what belongs to me.
you belong to me.
stop bringing to light my mistakes.
you didn't mean to leave me out in the dark, again.
we've discussed this too many times before.
she's been too good to you, I know.
ill just come in and fuck shit up again.
you can't come out this way.
you didnt extend your visa and stayed passed your allotted time, that one time.
ill make it out to you again.
you're too prideful to ask me to, i know.
im offering to.
don't deny me. i don't do good with rejection.
make it feel like the first time again.
even if this is another last. even if it don't last.
tear me apart again.
ill pull it together again.
ok. ill see you in a week then.
well go from here.
ill see you there.
*disconnects.
we reconnect.
i know I promised that I'd stay away but I can't stay gone for long.
When it comes to you I can't control my mind and the way it wanders away from me.
When it comes to life I can't control you, I can't force us, I can't minimize these miles that lie between us
I don't understand love, mental connections..
our wires were tangled from the beginning. and the more I'd try to undo the knots, the more caught up in you i got.
I let you rob me of my youth, my words, my kisses, my life... but that's the way you are... that's how you've always been... you take what's not yours, what hasn't been granted to you, and you turn it into art... i fell in love with your faults. i liked the risks, and no matter what was lost, a lot more was gained.
we raged a war. and there's no peace treaty. there's no common ground. just destruction for the sake of creation. and perhaps this is it, the last last, because we've exhausted our resources... but let's take a step back, look at all that we've created. we weren't able to make it together, but the final draft is a result of what we brought out in each other. you brought out the best in me.... and our only fault, was in our stars....
fearless free girl, make me feel again.
undo these chains that hold me captive and imprison my mind...
i'm caged in with all of my demons.
set this poor soul who's lived all it's days hiding inside bottles, and drunk in alleyways, free.
shine some light upon this darkness that surrounds me.
i've let my vices consume me. mercy me, for you are the paragon of virtue...
and i, i am just a prisoner of madness, and you're the first thing that i've managed to make sense of in a while.
fearless free girl,... i just want to feel again.
