Incompatibility: The Simply Complicated Theory.
I envied his simple mindedness... the fact that I could walk through his deep-end with my nose above the water came as a relief to me, At that point in time, the fact that I could stand ashore and not worry about being washed out at any given point was comforting. His currents and wave-lengths were predictable to me, His complacency with himself and his surroundings and his lake of curiosity intrigued me. I studied him for months. The way silence troubled him, and his need for constant reassurance that he hadn't done anything wrong. He had this certain need to please other beings,.. sometimes to the extent of neglecting his own desires in order to fulfill those of others. "What's on your mind?", "Nothing", I'd reply in attempts to summarize that my mind had eloped me and left me stranded. He didn't understand me. To him, the mere thought of silence and detachment signified isolation... He couldn't have that. To him, my need to escape from myself merely often was incomprehensible. "What are you running from?", "Let me in, Open up". He couldn't grasp the idea that certain individuals need solitude and silence to thrive. I was always in the process of becoming, and he, he was just caught in a constant. Constantly there. He asked questions that he didn't want the answers to, he asked questions that he wouldn't understand the answers to... Eventually all the questions seized and he accepted all the things he didn't understand. In a world of uncertainty I understood him. I caught myself slowing down. Lack of mental stimulation had me hitting white walls. I think I stopped becoming, solemnly because I knew that he wouldn't understand, it wouldn't make a difference, so why continue to evolve. His hands would touch me, but he couldn't feel me. His lips would kiss me, but his words wouldn't move me. His eyes would see me, but he couldn't read me. There's so much complexion to human connections beyond physical attractions. How quick are we to undress our bodies for beings who we'd never show our soul to? In all my nakedness, he would never see my core... I could see through him, he was see-through- That gave me an unfair emotional advantage, and led me to realize how rarely in life we find someone who's emotional intelligence is equivalent to that of our own. It made me realize how many times in life we are mentally abused and how many times we abuse. I, aware of all of my capabilities, didn't exploit him. Perhaps because I'm not that type of person, perhaps because he was too kind for me to; either/or. In order for me to not exploit him I seized to grow. I was blocked. He drained me. I'd try to get away to refuel just to be drained again. Him in all his simplicity and me in all my complexity.. How could he accept someone that he didn't understand and how could I reject someone I had already deciphered? Both unquestionable questions. I envied his simple mindedness, the way he could love blindly. Complicated beings like myself don't know how to love or let themselves be loved... We love people and things that we don't understand, and destroy the ones that we do, purposefully and/or indadvertedly. We might do it out of habit, maybe even as a defense mechanism. The mind needs to be challenged in order to evolve. .. Perhaps that's why we are attracted to mystery. Yes, perhaps thats why.
