and I saw him develop..
as a writer, as a lover, as a being.
witnessed the sacrifices he made, mostly at the sake of others.
i observed him and I learned that he was meant to be loved from afar... like almost every other man i'd come across.
see the thing about love and other feelings is that the moment hands become involved and touches are exchanged, hearts tend to break.
some times as creative individuals we don't think twice before eliminating sources of negativity and draining the one's that inspire us... we cut, cutting away at the essence of others. we dehumanize them by using them as props: we take what we can to fuel our creativity, and leave the rest to waste.
i'm familiar with the process.. familiar with the cycles.. but this time i wasn't the one holding the pen. i was the prop. the quote. the muse. dehumanized.
you dehumanized me.
my purpose was solemnly inspirational...
it was almost as if you couldn't save me from myself, so instead you chose to immortalize me in your writing.
you robbed me of my words, of my flesh, of my knowledge. of my self.
you drained me of my blood and used it to sign your name.
quit draining me slowly.
load your gun of ammunition, point it at me and pull the trigger.
aim it at my essence and rid me of it all. do it fast. don't flinch, i need you to handle the recoil this time. i need you to count your bullets this time. i need you to aim to kill this time. because i don't want to keep playing this game of russian roulette in which there's no telling if this time, it's really the end.
drain me of you.
your faults, your flaws, your demons... because they all became mine too.
and you tell me to put down the pen. to close the book. to look at you. that you're here. to stop. stop it all. stop analyzing this all. to stop beating myself against these pages. and you'll scream "I love you" out of despair. but you don't. you can't. you won't.
you know you can't save me from this fight where it's me against myself.. time after time.
i can't burn. i can't break. i can't feel. you've encapsulated me inside your mind in a state where i can't flee. where i'm in love with the eternal ethereal version of me you've created.
and the only reason why we've both lasted this long in this ring is because it's me against myself and you against your demons.... and, its gone on for so long because we both had bigger battles to fight within us than the ones that were going on between us.
i'm too exposed love and knowing what you are capable doesn't make me less vulnerable.
muses never die..... but immortality has its price.
humanity, that's what you robbed me of.
and although the pain, lies, and battles won't end me, one day; you will.
